Totaly Real News Reviews The Iphone 6+

TRN Tech Trick Hacker Martin Hack

image

(Photo: Rayukk Wikimedia CC license)

Hi Techies! It’s time for another article about technology in today’s crazy future world. Today I will be reviewing the Apple Iphone 6+. Unfortunately I was unable to acquire an Iphone 6+ for the review so much of this piece I’ll be trying my best to review it without one in hand.

Price:

The top factor in all of my tech reviews is the bottom line. This phone is expensive. Verizon wants $299 and a two year contract for a 6+. The full retail value is $749 meaning that TRN is unable to purchase one for me to test and despite years of loyally defending Apple products on message boards and comment sections Apple did not send me a device to review. But what can I say it’s an Iphone. It’s new. It’s bigger. It’s from Apple. If I had the money I would have been the first in line to buy it.

Usability:

The phone looks like it’s just as useable as any other phone on the market. The larger screen will help users see the details of the next Iphone to be released sometime in the near future. One thing I believe is missing from most Apple products is a visual bar that shows you how much self worth you should have. Obviously this bar will only be full if you own all of the latest Apple products and will sharply decline for each generation you do not own.

Tip: You can use the calendar app to remind yourself when the next apple devices will be launched.

Security:

Apple has revealed that it’s done quite a bit of revamping of its security following the stolen photos of several celebrities. Apple has stated that they have made many strides in lip service to security in the last month and that it’s less likely that your private nude photos will be shared with the world unless you’re famous and enable Icloud to automatically back up your photos online.

For these next tests there were just no substitute for getting my hands on the phone, so I went to the only Applestore in the area I haven’t been banned from.

Flexibility:

If you’ve been keeping up with the latest updates about this release you know that this phone is super flexible. There’s really not much I can add other than I can confirm the phone is very flexible. The one I got my hands on bent just as promised but that’s not really a surprise as that’s just the kind of user experience and innovation us Apple people are used to.

Taste:

This I phone tastes a little different than previous models. I don’t know if it was built in the same factory or if it’s just different materials. It still has a metallic taste but it’s just a little sweeter.

Finger Shredding:

Once you bend your Iphone to the shape you desire should you bend it back to its original, boring, flat state the glass may break but fear not, broken I phone 6+ glass is just as good at cutting up fingertips as any previous Iphone. I am so happy to shed blood for Apple once again.

Design:

I’d already seen a few photos on the net that were pretty arousing but after seeing it in person, goddamn this device is sexy. It’s curves are divine. Its body is sleek, slender and sensual. It’s smooth, rounded and feels good to the touch. MMMMM. Just sliding it in and out of my pocket getting me going a little. The vibration feature is just as strong as ever.

Clean Up:

With the new larger screen you’re just going to have to expect a few bodily fluids to end up on the phone. While some fluids were easily wiped away with just toilet tissue the bloody finger prints were a little hard to remove and may require soap and water.

Conclusion:

I got kicked out of yet Applestore again for lewd conduct. I was extremely close to walking out with the floor model of this phone but decided that my bloody finger prints on the box might have been a little too much of a clue for the techo grand wizard Apple Geniuses to find me. I would defiantly try to steal this phone if given the chance so if you are lucky enough to get one I wouldn’t leave yours just sitting out.

How Recommended would I say this Iphone is? Highly Recommended!!

-Martin Hack