President Donald Trump announced today that he is days away from deputizing a new national watchdog to go after “very, very bad, very evil people.” Trump has proposed that the dog should be some kind of larger breed sheep dog that can smell evil from miles away. “Sheepdogs do one thing- protect the flock of sheep. We need a dog that can do that because only dogs can sniff out a wolf in sheep’s clothing,” Trump said.
As to exactly how one watchdog is expected to keep the country safe Trump was sketchy on the details, much like his other proposals. When pressed how a dog will keep bad guys out of America Trump was confrontational saying “It’s a dog okay? Who understands what dogs do? These things are very tricky but only a dog will work. The dog could be a German Shepard, maybe a Rottweiler, okay. It could also be a Shetland sheep dog, or maybe some kind of collie.” The president then listed off a several more breeds of dogs and then changed the subject to ask how many reporters thought he could stick his whole fist in his mouth.