Glorious Celebration!! Breitbart Revises The Bible For The First Time In Centuries!!


That’s right!! Just in time for a Trump presidency everyone’s favorite book is being revised in his image by everyone’s favorite rage-baiting fake news site! The first major difference in this Bible is that the new version is clear that everyone in it is white, except for all of the bad people. In the new Bible God also clarifies within the first few pages that God is also white and a man and that Jesus, his son is white and straight. The Breitbart Bible has passages devoted to normalized hatred of abortion, who should use what bathroom, rage against flag burning, boycotting cereal brands that were formerly advertisers, cucks and libtards.

There is now quotes from Jesus endorsing and justifying guns, gerrymandering, #BlueLivesMatter counter protests of #BlackLivesMatter, disdain for refugees and hatred for gays, In the new version of the Bible Jesus does not lash out at money changers in the church but refugees and freeloaders at a food bank and people who use EBT cards at the grocery store. The new Breitbart Bible also makes direct reference to Obamacare and the EPA and directly states feminist SJW crybabies should be stoned to death for saying things Breitbart readers don’t like.  Inside Breitbart also has left a special section of blank pages that readers can write in their own passages to compliment their own personal beliefs with “Biblical text” to back up unsubstantiated claims based on emotion instead of logic.

The pre-orders of the book show a strong interest in the updated version which also has a pretty cover that will look great next to any previous unread versions of the Bible. The pages are made of low quality, almost of low grade toilet paper consistency. The cover also indicates to readers that it is the only bible with 100% fact and to trust no other religious text or risk going to Hell. Advanced copies of the kinds of content included int he bible can be seen in comment sections all across the internet on sites that cater to alt-right interests.